This blog has been developed to chronicle my exploration and eventual realization of a personally psychoanalytical dark ride thesis project. My work has been autobiographical in nature since college, when I started drawing distorted variations of myself. Funny, morbid, grotesque, and often sexual: they acted as manifestations of inner turmoil. By skewing my physical form, I was able to express frustration and laugh- mocking my prolonged teen angst ("oh woe is me...") was cathartic. Perhaps, this is what my art has become: graphically insulting myself and the establishments in which I live. That said, my graduate thesis might become a tongue-in-cheek
assault on the program itself. Not that I intend to be cynical or argumentative, it is more that I need to contextualize my neurosis. I feel insecure, pessimistic, and confused in graduate school; however, I do not claim that the university is solely to blame. But since I often equate the University of Michigan with misery, my outcries are often met with defensive arguments rather than sympathy. In the end, I came to graduate school to express myself,
unapologetically so. I never agreed not to be a liability, and never said that I would not bite the hand that feeds me. It may be implied as common decency, but artists have the leverage to bypass such oppressive concepts.
So, here are a few designs that I with to make into (marginally) kinetic sculptures:
The first is about socializing. I don't drink often, but alcohol is a depressant that I consider to be quite effective. This is not so much about drinking as it is about going to bars and feeling utterly unattractive and -subsequently- unsociable. Just awkward as hell and drinking terrible things to fit in with people who don't care if I drink. Horrible, just horrible. To this day I have never talked to a woman in a bar. But I go because I'm 26, and that's what people who are 26 do.
Self portrait holding 3 glasses of alcohol (you can more easily find them by pinpointing the black upwardly diagonal straws). My forehead has increased to a point to add more
furled brow lines and my hair has been placed on top to assert that this is me. I added the U of M logo to contextualize the setting and balance the composition of the drawing. I wanted to make this figure shake... so, I drew the rest of him standing with an old-
timey exercise belt attached (which I have in my studio) to create a shaking movement.
I added the classic Converse All-Stars to reference their prolific
occurrences in MAD Magazine and the like: which is an influence of mine. I am, of course, naked to represent awkward venerability. I thought the figure should be foam latex, so that it would jiggle when it shakes. So, I designed a metal armature on a rotating, circular base- to exaggerate the shaking effect.
However, there was something uninteresting about the legs. Every other part of the anatomy had meaning, but the legs were just support. Perhaps if he were weak in the knees: bowing like noodles or something. But then it looks like alcoholism rather than social awkwardness (which I guess the 3 drinks might do as well... I think about it). And there was the height issue: if the top of his head was my height, he'd look too short; but, if he was taller than me, he would look too overbearing/ not as pathetic. So, I added another element:
A swiveling bar stool. This way I can still have the shaking motion, the height is less of an issue (since he is sitting), and it contextualizes me into a bar atmosphere: sitting alone at the bar, facing outwards with a look of despair. Now it's more about loneliness than drinking. Perhaps I'm holding so many drinks because I want to share? I dig the ambiguity. Whether or not the whole bar scene with bottles and mirror is needed is yet to be determined. It does conceal the
exercise machine, and a bar stool could be mistaken for an artist stool. It might be necessary. Other elements, such as lights and music could either make him seem more out of place, but I think they would just further distract. One
noise that is needed is the sound of clinking ice cubes against the inside of the glass as he shakes. Vital. Vital. Vital. I've been thinking about ice cubes made of glass
allot recently...
Figure no. 2 deals with indecisiveness when faced with a multitude of options.
There are several infant-like characteristics this figure possesses: the inability to walk, teeth still coming in, and eyes (several) still opening. And, again, my hair is added to secure it as a self portrait. The multiple arms represent different art mediums and how my interest and versatility can team to create crippling indecisiveness. His legs are strong, as though if he could just stand up, he could run and be a force to be reckoned with. Again the U of M logo appears because this drawing is about my experience in graduate school... and it balances out the composition.
I imagine this fire to be quite massive with kinetic arms trying to push upwards. The mechanics in this drawing do not work: more of a vision of what it might look like.
Figure no. 3 is about graduating with a master's degree:
I have yet to discover my place in academia. More importantly, I have yet to decide if academia is really the right place for me. I have my doubts and concerns about the existence of art in an institutionalized setting. Art brings concerns about liability, to lessen the risk of lawsuits, some modes of art and content matter are taught to be avoided, others not taught at all. My stance is: if it is in an art history book, it can inherently be taught and replicated. Which no university would condone. I think I may be too headstrong to condone and enforce such censorship. So, if I am not going to be a professor, why get an M.F.A.? This is a question I have struggled with since day 1.
I parodied my outsider standpoint by depicting myself as a disgusting imp in a trash can working a dummy of the idealized scholar. Pretending to be something I'm not... refined. It depicts a future in which I have already graduated. I guess being called out as a phony or fraud is a legitimate fear that all artists must live with. But I think this is more about living a lifestyle analysing social change over wine and cheese, jaded towards the world of art. The intellectual standpoint: a world without absolutes. I don't know, I think it's fun to be wrong all the time.
The final idea deals with ghost lesbians:
Basically, it's a
gyrating, floating strap-on with erotic moaning and an erotic
silhouette projected on the back wall. It has to do with male sexual fantasy: imaginary visions through a ghost metaphor. I would be lying if I didn't admit to this being part of my awkward, demented psyche. I think it works quite nice in the tradition of dark rides, which often contain spooks and skeletons and such.
Speaking of witch (
har har), I have been doing
allot of research on this website called
Laff In The Dark. It has dozens of really thorough articles about everything dark rides! Here are a couple of samples of the kind of technical information provided:
http://www.laffinthedark.com/articles/playland/playland7.htm
http://www.laffinthedark.com/articles/playland/playland12.htm
http://www.laffinthedark.com/articles/playland/playland13.htm
http://www.laffinthedark.com/articles/playland/playland14.htm
So, these are my ideas, plans thus far. More to come!
Basically, the focus is on acne, pot marks, moles, sporadic facial hair, and a terrible, unwashed haircut. The little details. Here's some close-ups:
I think the hair is successful, but I am still unsure about the facial hair. It looks like Super-Sculpey facial hair: not uniform, more like rice than follicles. Perhaps cut wire would be a better option? However, the Sculpey looks amature, like outsider, underground, freak-out art -which I am already referencing in style- so, it might be more cohesive. The point is: technically I could do better, but is better really better in this case? Right now, I'm leaning towards the Sculpey hair because of it's painterly look: individual brushstrokes would be less distracting than uniform marks. If I used wire, it would be recognized as wire- not seen as cohesive hair. I think I'll stick with the Sculpey; any thoughts?
